Tip of the Tongue
by DatWinchesterPlaid
Summary: He dreams of blue eyes and soft hands.


He didn't know why he was in this goddamn filthy bar, on some planet light years away from Earth where he was the only human (ish) person in the bar and the cups were dirty.

(_He'd never give Jack a dirty cup. He was always strict about that, no dirty dishes.)_

Who was '_he'? _That's the question that had been plaguing Jack for as long as he could remember. The man's name was on the tip of his tongue, the very tip and he couldn't _remember. _For some reason, this hurts more than Jack expects and he orders another round of shots, downing in them in mere seconds.

It burns on the way down and when warmth spreads throughout his body, he relaxes.

He came here to drink and try to forget the name that rests on the tip of his tongue like a secret that must never be told.

He could of sworn he hears a disappointed sigh and a soft hand touch his shoulder whispering, "_You __**really**_ _shouldn't be drinking, sir."_ but when he turns around to look no one is there.

Jack swallows the lump in his throat and wipes at the tears stinging his eyes.

Fuck, he needs to get plastered, needs to get so mind-numbingly drunk so he can't remember those expressive blue eyes.

He downs the shot, making a face at the taste but bears it because it's for a good cause and winks at a cute boy with dark blue skin, pointed ears and ridges going from his forehead to his back. He's clad in tight pants and for a moment Jack is tempted to go over there and introduce himself but suddenly an image of blue eyes filled with tears flash in Jack's mind and he forces himself to look away and down another shot.

The alcohol has now successfully inebriated him, and Jack had hoped that it might distract him from the man in his thoughts, but he finds himself drowning in thoughts of the man with blue eyes and soft hands.

He thought he didn't know why he came to this goddamn filthy bar light years away from Earth, but he did. It was forget someone he'd already forgotten and yet stayed in his memories.

_"Don´t you ever wonder how long you can survive before you either go mad or get killed or lose a loved one?"_

The man's voice asks scared and Jack closes his eyes, willing himself to slip into this memory.

_"No," he replied, turning on his side to bring him closer to his chest. His blue eyes looked up at him both surprised and worrying (always worrying) and his short brown hair was mussed from their previous lovemaking._

_"You don't?" he asks disbelievingly._

_"Nah," Jack reassures._

_(It's a lie, he worries constantly about what'd he do if he died. He has nightmares about it in fact, but right now, he just wants to comfort Blue Eyes.)_

_"I'll always be with you. __**Always**_. _And that's a Harkness promise, hardly ever broken."_

_Blue Eyes laughs and kisses Jack, the worry momentarily gone from his eyes._

_"Jack," he sighs happily._

_Jack loves the way he says his name, the way it slips off his tongue full of love and lust and warmth and __**home**_. _Jack's distracted from his thoughts when Blue Eyes gives him a mischievous smirk and slides on top of him. _

_The rest of the night passes in a flurry of love-making, soft moans, and kisses. As Blue Eyes lies asleep in his arms, Jack frowns, wondering when the day will come when Blue Eyes will be ripped from his arms._

When Jack pulls himself out of the memory, he lets out a broken noise that attracts the attention of the bartender who flashes him a concerned look. Jack offers a fake, cheesy smile and pays for the drinks hurriedly, needing to get out of there.

He quickly exits, stumbling his way towards his temporary apartment on this stupid, fucking planet (_I always wanted to vacation there. A wistful sigh.)_

Tears stinging his eyes, and he feels like collapsing against the wall right there and then but he struggles on to the apartment, quickly unlocking the door and sending a prayer of thanks that he lives on the first floor.

Jack slumps against the door, the memory of Blue Eyes burned into his head and he replays the memory from the bar over and over again, his grief wrapped tight around him like a second skin.

He crawls to the bathroom and vomits in the toilet, his groans of regret turning into soft crying because he can _swear_ he feels soft, familiar hands stroking his hair and whispering condolences in his ear.

'_It's okay, Jack. It's okay, I love you. I'm here, I won't leave you, I promise.'_

Sobs start to wrack his body, and he shakes needing Blue Eyes, his name is at the tip of his tongue but he just can't _remember_, and that fucking kills him.

'_I do.'_

Jack wipes in vain at the tears that are streaming down his face, and when he closes his eyes he can see him, he can see his Blue Eyes, handsome as ever in a tuxedo and looking so radiant, so _happy._

_'I Jack Harkness do take-"_

Take who, damnit? What was his name? The man with a beautiful smile that made Jack's heart stop?

'_As my lawfully wedded husband.'_

Jack whispers these words, kissing the gold ring that hangs from his neck. He looks at it, his eyes filled with pain and hating the fact that no matter how many he keeps trying he'll never be able to die and see his blue eyes. He stands up on shaky legs and splashes water on his face and brushes his teeth furiously, wanting to get rid of the taste of alcohol, vomit, and tears from his mouth.

When he's done, he doesn't bother to look in the mirro and walks to his bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed and painstakingly undoing the laces of his boots, sliding off his pants and throwing his alcohol soaked shirt in the hamper. He curls up underneath the blanket, stretching out and wishing now more than ever that Blue Eyes was here with him, that Blue Eyes was alive and he was right next to Jack.

Jack swallows a sob and takes the beat up stopwatch from his nightstand (his most prized possession) and presses it to his lips, kissing the cool metal and thinking of blue eyes, blue eyes like the ocean that he drowns in.

_(Well, think about it. Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.)_

A broken smile crosses Jack's face as he hears Blue Eyes voice and a soft, sad laugh escapes him when he thinks of that night. The night where they moved against each other with the experience of lovers who have been together for centuries even though that was their first night.

He lets out a sigh and pushes the memory from his mind allowing the soft and rhythmic tick-tock of the watch and the memory of Blue Eyes' body warm beneath his own to relax him. Jack falls asleep in the cold, empty bed a name that carries soft, loving memories dipped in tears on the tip of his tongue.


End file.
